It’s been 2 weeks since my mama left this earth. The last 14 days have been a whirlwind of making arrangements for her memorial and burial, of rearranging the house just enough for Dad’s comfort without losing her personal touches, of being with family.
The first part of life without Mom is behind me. Now I settle in to life as my Dad’s primary caregiver. I promised both Mom and Dad that I would do my best to take care of the person left behind when one of them passed. Because of Dad’s Parkinson’s diagnosis and the stage of his disease, we always assumed that he would go first, and that I would support Mom in her widowhood. Maybe we’d travel together. We’ve been sharing the care-giving of Grandma and Daddy for several years, and then we’d be able to take off to the beach or to visit my siblings in California, Virginia and Germany. We had plans. But the plans were not ours to make, apparently. Mom was taken by Pancreatic Cancer, and Dad is doing relatively well in his disease. And so it goes…
Last evening was our first night alone at his house, and it was mostly successful. Well, if you don’t count the sobbing that overtook me several times yesterday. But we made it through the night, had a successful morning and made it to work almost on time today.
I still can’t understand why we had to lose Mom this soon. I still miss her every day. She was my confidant, my best friend, the person I called almost every time I got in my car, the one who I always shared my news with first. I miss her.
Through this most difficult time I’ve been supported by my family, my friends and my Gentog people (who are like family, and who have stepped up to keep things running while I’ve been away). I feel loved and supported, and know that I will adjust to my new normal. And so I take a deep breath and dive back in to life…without my mom.